--I just weighed myself and I'm fucking 109 pounds, hahaha! I don't think I've weighed that in a long ass time- I mean I can't remember the last time it was that I got under 110- usually I average at 114-115.
--110-115 is where I like to keep that shit under control. It's mostly because I haven't been doing the best with going to the store to buy food, as in like I'll go when the spirit moves me---- which is next to never. MWUAHAHA. Not true. Just lately. And yesterday I had cereal and a piece of toast and probably something else- see my memory isjust shitty though I mean I lose track. I had 3-4 beers, and weed which has no fucking calories, fuckk yaaaa, some adderall.
my night= cuh-razy. Must expand further, lataaaa fo sho.
Friday, March 30, 2012
Tuesday, March 27, 2012
New Idea!?
I haven't writen in forever, hence... well, SORRY. I was thinking of starting a NEW blog entitled "Higher Thinking" or "High Thinkers" or some shit where I taslk about all the random yet incredibly logical conspiracies I discover when I'm smoking my best friend: Well, my Green Best Friend. Becuz k= real forever Best friend
BUT I'm thinkin' itd be fun as hell to have a silly but appealing place to cruise on to when their blazin.... Im talkin an Option tab where they can send THEIR high thoughts. We can all discuss the outrageous epiphanies, epiphanys that could move mountains, so on and so forth!
There are SO many things I can do with that. I KNOW that there are many other sites that are crazy popular with the concrete idea: WEEEEED, exactly the same as mine. But still, my foundation is the weird-ass shit we ramble on about when we get high. It's an insightful and strange experience to share- which is pretty fucking fun.
BUT I'm thinkin' itd be fun as hell to have a silly but appealing place to cruise on to when their blazin.... Im talkin an Option tab where they can send THEIR high thoughts. We can all discuss the outrageous epiphanies, epiphanys that could move mountains, so on and so forth!
There are SO many things I can do with that. I KNOW that there are many other sites that are crazy popular with the concrete idea: WEEEEED, exactly the same as mine. But still, my foundation is the weird-ass shit we ramble on about when we get high. It's an insightful and strange experience to share- which is pretty fucking fun.
Sunday, January 1, 2012
Hi(gh), Again! 2
-- But then I came, and I know he loved me and maybe even spoiled me in a way because in every memory of us there wasn't necessarily Abbie or Fred in the background. Their memories are often based on the backdrop of one of their siblings being there alongside them with their Dad. I was more often alone; I didn't have a sibling within four years of range to grow up with, so more often it was me and him. I wonder if he wanted to make lasting memories, happy memories, because he knew he had to leave at some point.
Abbie and Fred knew him when they were teenagers. I didn't live with him after age 12. Until I turned 19. I wonder if that's why I changed from the way I was in Lwhen I turned 19. I couldn't explain the change clearly, even to myself, because it was lost on my manifestation with being suddenly "alone" and "isolated." I wasn't really, in fact I was provided a new start that really made me less alone then I was in L. I floated through high school mostly alone, until Tony. That was three years from starting out high school alone (first day- 2003, first day I met Tony- 2006). first day moved in with dad ( 2008) to right now, shitty ass time- since 2011- that's about three years. 2006 and 2007 were when I reach my breaking point. Now I feel like it could be 2011-2012 when I reach my breaking point. I'm just surprised at myself right now. I'm stuffing so much pain away that it should be considered a near un-human feat. I'm obviously smoking a shit-ton of weed (we'll find out when that general practitioner appointment my mom wants to stand in on is- in case they do some weird unexpected drug testing shit), I take adderall, klonopin and try to find a thrill in subsatnces any chance I am given, besides any kind of alcohol---that was for the 16-19 year old me.
I feel irrefutably sick here and I don't think there's much I can do- for that matter I don't think that I WANT to stop smoking weed, taking adderall, and klonopin, but I want to have friends here and of course someone to love me and text me/ call me (here) so that I know I fucking exist.
---But on a good note, maybe I was sent here to make up for lost time. Because we lived together, and strangely enough surprised each other by being the people we really were.
Monday, December 12, 2011
well thank god for Kl-ahh-nopin.
Damn right. I feel much much better after taking... well at first 3, but in about ten minutes I took two more. I feel great now--mind state has altered fantastically just as it should.
Much much much to fucking do; classes officially end Wednesday- that's in 2 days, yahoo!!
I'm trying to like, get a hold of myself when it comes to school work and shit. I hope this semester will serve as a wake-up call to me--that I need to step up my game next semester.
There's so many things I want to do though over break that it's hard not to get caught up in thinking about them. Such as:
Much much much to fucking do; classes officially end Wednesday- that's in 2 days, yahoo!!
I'm trying to like, get a hold of myself when it comes to school work and shit. I hope this semester will serve as a wake-up call to me--that I need to step up my game next semester.
There's so many things I want to do though over break that it's hard not to get caught up in thinking about them. Such as:
- Reading shit I want to read: "The Things they carried" (in paper-backform, I've all ready listened to it), and obviously tons of other shit, hopefully Nathaniel Hawthorne! I should have a kindle over break(YAY XMAS PRESENT FROM MOMMY!), so I'm sure I will get a lot of some kind of reading done.
- English MTEL book! This thing is the shit. Study it, also plan on taking test.
- Blogging--> First of all, come up with topics and practice and shit for my new JOB at school! and then, learn more about blogging in general. even like not just youtube videos, possibly library books or something...
- write more (short story, etc.)
- Come up w/ more studying skills. There's like, technology and shit for that you know...
- Get to cuse hopefully at some point. I'm pretty sure I can make this happen. There's definitely more I just don't really know @ the top of the head right this second.
TALK TO YA LATA. Love, Em
Saturday, December 10, 2011
New fucking news
I just got the best mother-fucking email ever------> I've been accepted as one of the two new bloggers for the school's blog! I mean yeah it's not like nationally renowned or anything but I don't care, I am SO happy about it. My life is a joke at times, it's the only way I can look at it without becoming too depressed, if I just tell myself hey, shit's not a big deal! people don't really give a shit, whatever. But knowing I got this job-although it might seem minor to some- means I can fucking feel good about something. I can't explain it. I mean I got Leif here once again, laying on my fucking futon, I'm quite sure he uses me for my futon and for rides. I could cry all the time about the joke that is my social life, the non-existence. Yes my lamenting is ridiculous, and I could go on forever. But I have something I can seriously be proud of now. I am really really fucking happy.
By the way, this kid at work if so fucking cute. He even made a point to strike up conversation with me today when we were wrapping up the store tonight. He's just got the best smile and seems so nice. I just think he's so fucking adorable. Anyways. whatever. life is life. tried to get weed tonight. if leif uses me for my house+ for rides and stupid fucking shit, I can use him for weed... if i can. Tonight I couldn't, he didn't find shit. Whatever. I don't fucking care. I can't wait to work for the blog. Love always, MOI
Monday, November 21, 2011
teeheehehehehe
I started @ ______ Sunday. I like it a lot... I hope I get to stay there year round. I wonder if I all ready wrote about it.
I've been so tired and have hardly gotten off of my damn futon when I'm not @ school or my new job yippee. I really need to finish this semester with seriousness. I'm just so fucking sick of getting up + shit and going to school. I am really fucking depressed. I really really really want my adderall back.
ANYWAYS let's write about school. Today in Bd's we did our ridiculous(his ridiculous) analysis of our current novel, which is right now Lord Jim. That book is killing me. Maybe I would like Heart of Darkness better, since Apocalypse Now is one of my favorite movies ev-skis. I think that deserves a picture I will steal off of google.
<----- There we go. I got it off of someone's page on "word press"- hmm maybe I'll change from blogger to word press, sorry bitches!
OK back to class! For Bd's I have to re-write my fucking stupid "Spoils of Poynton" essay. Literally it's like an entirely different concept! He's never satisified. I feel like english professors never are, it's their way or the highway. Or maybe I just suck at writing essays. The latter may be painstakingly true.
In S's class we watched Alien, and good God she is obsessed with analyzing everything into her favorite weird universal theme that has to do with fear of the eastern and western world, and private governments, and femininity being destroyed and infantilism(i think she made this word up) and all this other shit that's fascinating at times, but after she turned off Alien and tried to get us to apply it to her agenda, I jus looked at her like a frigging moron.
For Be's we continued the black history stuff, read the middle passage and talked about how there are many different voices that seem to be telling the story, and the irony is that not one of the slaves(of whom the whole poem is about) is contributing to it. I's a way for the author to show there is no way that black people have much to go by for their history since they didn't have a voice. or whatever.
-my computer's in an annoying position and I guess it's making me agitated as fuck. Talk to you later diary sir
I've been so tired and have hardly gotten off of my damn futon when I'm not @ school or my new job yippee. I really need to finish this semester with seriousness. I'm just so fucking sick of getting up + shit and going to school. I am really fucking depressed. I really really really want my adderall back.
 |
| The Horror |
<----- There we go. I got it off of someone's page on "word press"- hmm maybe I'll change from blogger to word press, sorry bitches!
OK back to class! For Bd's I have to re-write my fucking stupid "Spoils of Poynton" essay. Literally it's like an entirely different concept! He's never satisified. I feel like english professors never are, it's their way or the highway. Or maybe I just suck at writing essays. The latter may be painstakingly true.
In S's class we watched Alien, and good God she is obsessed with analyzing everything into her favorite weird universal theme that has to do with fear of the eastern and western world, and private governments, and femininity being destroyed and infantilism(i think she made this word up) and all this other shit that's fascinating at times, but after she turned off Alien and tried to get us to apply it to her agenda, I jus looked at her like a frigging moron.
For Be's we continued the black history stuff, read the middle passage and talked about how there are many different voices that seem to be telling the story, and the irony is that not one of the slaves(of whom the whole poem is about) is contributing to it. I's a way for the author to show there is no way that black people have much to go by for their history since they didn't have a voice. or whatever.
-my computer's in an annoying position and I guess it's making me agitated as fuck. Talk to you later diary sir
Thursday, November 17, 2011
today
It's 4:30 and all ready dark out. Yeah it's awful.
Today:
Read Lord Jim--
Finished Field Observation Write up, yay
Tried to get in touch w/ my fuckin english adviser to see if I could get into his class which he told me I could if I emailed him. Better be able to. Infobear crashed on my comp. last night, and I wasn't able to get the schedule I wanted. It really blows, I hope it gets straightened out.
Today:
Read Lord Jim--
Finished Field Observation Write up, yay
Tried to get in touch w/ my fuckin english adviser to see if I could get into his class which he told me I could if I emailed him. Better be able to. Infobear crashed on my comp. last night, and I wasn't able to get the schedule I wanted. It really blows, I hope it gets straightened out.
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